Baby Commentator Pillows

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- it's hard to believe we're related.'

He must use Uber. I heard you contact them when you want to be picked up.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

Babble. Pbl. Babama. Bbb. Brb. Bod.

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

She never said "Da-da." She went right to "data."

Proud mums.

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

We had to use my wife's pouch as a diaper bag.

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

"He feels the honey-citrus glaze overpowers the plum."

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

The number of couples separating keeps growing.

'My god, he's insane.'

'I've had four litters and I don't get as much as a head butt on Mothers Day.'

I think she's about to say her first word!

'He said his first words today. . . 'buy' and 'google'.'

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'

"Baby FOMO."

"There he goes, filling their heads with ludicrous conspiracy theories about microchip implants and mass sterilisation programmes…"

"Which one is yours?"

'Wait a minute...what am I doing? I can't count yet.'

"Personnel can't fund maternity cover,but they will second someone to come around and coo oooh! aah! when the baby's born..."

"You are accused of throwing your toys out of the pram."