Baby Chaos Enthusiast Pillows

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

'Twiiiiiiiiins!!!!'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

Two children play with a pedal bin

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

A child and his dog

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

A recurring crisis at the Farkinski farm

'We won't know how many diapers it takes to soak up a bathtub full of water until we get more diapers.'

'Found her. Keeping her.'

Feeding the baby

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

'The cat did it.'

'Hey, Dad! Kitty worked out how to use her new cat-door!'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'

Tony's dog always brought him to his slippers.