Baby Chaos Lovers Pillows

Father playing with baby and baby is sick on his face.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'and on the Kids' Menu, we have Cranky Pants French Toast...'

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

"He won't eat anything but corn."

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

Two children play with a pedal bin

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

Spring is coming... Sunshine, warmer weather... and MUD

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'Twiiiiiiiiins!!!!'

Baskerville Tabby.

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

"A chewed slipper? I love it. No, really."

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

"I love what you've done to the place."

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

'We won't know how many diapers it takes to soak up a bathtub full of water until we get more diapers.'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

Feeding the baby

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."