Baby Certificate Collectors Pillows

"It's a birth certificate - not a certificate of authenticity."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"Make a lot of money."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'Congratulations, you graduated.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Baby on board 2020

'Go forth and multiply!'

"Six down, three to go!!"

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

"Oh, it's not a baby book, it's his memoirs."

'This buggy gets only about one mile per gal.'

Time traveller of the year, 3173, A.D.

"I don't think she's this happy to be turning fifty."

Baby's first horror movies

Woman to dog: 'This is you, Rex! Now start acting like you're registered!'

"Isn't that cute? He's reading his diplomas again."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'more pain relief....for me!'

World's Best Dad

'Thanks, I started collecting diplomas when I was seven.'

I made you a card. - 'Your life is slowly ebbing away with each passing year.' - 'Now read the inside!' - ''Perhaps a piece of birthday cake will help to numb the inevitability of your own mortality.'' - 'You made me birthday cake, as well?' - 'Yes!'

"We sign with the baby all the time. This morning I was reading her my latest manuscript and she signed the words for, 'fresh', 'insightful' and 'poignant'."

'What makes you think you're so smart?'

"Whoa! If this baby shower isn't for ME -- then WHO'S it for?"

As a home-schooled student, Renee found it tougher and tougher to muster any genuine surprise.

'Wh? There's that noise again. Sounds like a (shudder) baby's rattle!'

'Harry's living in the past.'

'Impressive certificate. Thanks, that's for the 100 metres backstroke.'

"Do you have that old birthday card?"

"Oh, those..they're just Reader's Digest competition forms."

'Quick! She's being crushed by her GCSE certificates.'

Babies first steps.