Baby Certificate Collectors Pillows

"It's a birth certificate - not a certificate of authenticity."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"Make a lot of money."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'Congratulations, you graduated.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Elton John

Baby on board 2020

"Look who I got a birthday card from!!"

'Go forth and multiply!'

"Six down, three to go!!"

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

'This buggy gets only about one mile per gal.'

"Oh, it's not a baby book, it's his memoirs."

Time traveller of the year, 3173, A.D.

The baby born with a middle-aged brain. Darn it, I left the womb to get something … Now, what was it?

Baby's first horror movies

Woman to dog: 'This is you, Rex! Now start acting like you're registered!'

"I don't think she's this happy to be turning fifty."

"Isn't that cute? He's reading his diplomas again."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'more pain relief....for me!'

World's Best Dad

'Thanks, I started collecting diplomas when I was seven.'

I made you a card. - 'Your life is slowly ebbing away with each passing year.' - 'Now read the inside!' - ''Perhaps a piece of birthday cake will help to numb the inevitability of your own mortality.'' - 'You made me birthday cake, as well?' - 'Yes!'

As a home-schooled student, Renee found it tougher and tougher to muster any genuine surprise.

'Wh? There's that noise again. Sounds like a (shudder) baby's rattle!'

Are you ready for the greatest treat in the world? Please don't do this. You are about to see the cutest baby. He's adorable. Excellent. I love babies. Did I tell you? Don't speak. Looks like a 90-year-old member of the British Parliament. Speechless, I know. Want another peek? No, please! No, it's too incredible for me. Beauty is in the eye of the mother.

"We sign with the baby all the time. This morning I was reading her my latest manuscript and she signed the words for, 'fresh', 'insightful' and 'poignant'."

'What makes you think you're so smart?'

"Whoa! If this baby shower isn't for ME -- then WHO'S it for?"

'Harry's living in the past.'

'Quick! She's being crushed by her GCSE certificates.'

"Do you have that old birthday card?"

'Impressive certificate. Thanks, that's for the 100 metres backstroke.'

"Oh, those..they're just Reader's Digest competition forms."