Baby-bump Humorist Gifts

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"It's his emotional support animal."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

Newborn making the V-sign

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

We had to use my wife's pouch as a diaper bag.

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

"My wife's going through a difficult pregnancy."

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

'Well, it's a boy. And I think I can explain those sudden sharp pains in your rib cage.'

"Which one is yours?"

"'Waaaaah, waaaaah!' is not an answer!"

"Who do you have to know around here to get a fluffy?"

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

"It was dark, damp and cramped - why did you lock me in there for nine months??!..."

"Gee, my first man cave!"