Awkward Laugh Collector Pillows

'There's no need to be that kind.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

The Rooster Comedian.

'Bert's dog training.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Suffering from Cooties?

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Useless add-ons.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Cake Free Zone

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

"Eat me"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Irritable trowel syndrome.

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A watch face with Stonehenge

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'