Absurd Humor Collector Pillows

'I just hope we can avoid a rush to judgement on the charge of my clients public nudity.'`

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'Bert's dog training.'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Eat me"

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Cake Free Zone

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

A watch face with Stonehenge

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Bathroom Fairy

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."