Quirky Humor Collector Pillows

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is in fact, a goat."

Safety Record: 452 Days without a Drowned Rat.

Frog in photo booth, photos go from egg,tadpole to frog

"The ringtones.....The ringtones......"

"I don't smoke dope man, but the invisible monkey next to me does!"

101 uses of a dead cat: bonfire

A painter paints his thumb, not the nude model in front of him.

How about my dinner?

101 uses of a dead cat: a mouses trampoline.

Towels: His, hers and stalker's.

'Go ahead and ask if you want to, but I'm sure they don't have a work-release program for panhandlers.'

A-sexual activity will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Woman in a card shop sees an 'Out Of Section' - Patience, Of Work, Nowhere, Your Mind.

A man in a fruit shop shocked to see Pawpaws in the form of Animal paws

101 uses of a dead cat: plough

'Hey, Fred, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"Paper or plastic?"

"The haircut cost $20. I only had $10 on me."

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

Your DNA on a Stick

Tonight's specials are printed on the side of the barn. ? Bar.

Hey, I just thought of something new for you to worry about – Wanna hear it? The bluebird of sleeplessness.

Biliard Enthusiast

'Didn't you pay attention in class either?'

That dress certainly matches your eyes.

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

"I'd love to swap. Where's the zebra?"

Early phone sex lines - 'I'm lifting my petticoat...and there's my ankle!'

Devil as maitre d'.

Misfortune cookies

101 uses of a dead cat: bird table

"Would you mind cooking my calamari a bit longer?"

"How long have you had these delusions of grandma?"