Awkward Interaction Appreciator Pillows

"Feel my shirt! Wanna Know what it's made of? Boyfriend material!"

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Are you blushing?!"

Speed Dating Disasters

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

Hugs and knucklebumps don't mix.

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

Turtle Blind dates

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

(Cursing symbols)! Did I have a piece of spinach stuck to my tusk the whole date?

"Don't take this the wrong way, but your sweaty hand is grossing me out."

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

"Cruz, I didn't send flowers to Rayna! We haven't dated in forever! Ever since I joked about calling her Anne Droid."

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"Wow, I can't believe it's already time for you guys to pick up on social cues that we'd like you to leave."