Awkward Conversation Appreciator Pillows

You have the tongue of a man twice your age. There can be many reasons for this, none of which I'm comfortable discussing.

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Very Difficult Conversations

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

What price beauty?

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

"Well, geez, you don't need to bite my hea.."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

Turtle Blind dates

'Miss Kress, who on our staff is in charge of denials and uncomfortable realities.'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

Before birds and bees,

'...and bring a friend. If you have one...'

Send. End.

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

"I'm not used to communicating face-to-face. Can we conduct this interview via text?"

'It's not you it's me not liking you.'

A shy parish cleric seeking to talk business with a lady

"Ah, I'd give it a few minutes, pal. Maybe light a match."

'How can you possibly be busy washing your hair for the rest of your life???'

Hot chocolate. Huh? What? Uh, sure. What's the matter? Are you sad? You look sad. No, no. I'm fine. Hot chocolate coming up. Oh, okay. I'm definitely not sad. How come adults won't say when they're sad? I am the opposite of sad.

"So, Carol tells me you're a baby."

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

"I really am young at heart: I got a 34 year old's in a transplant."

'I've found this lump on my testicle, would you like to have a look?'

You don't find it strange I'm writing scathing Yelp reviews about this caf

Meet Jim, you've a lot in common...he's an insufferable bore as well...

'For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.'