Awkward Conversation Appreciators Pillows

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

'Miss Kress, who on our staff is in charge of denials and uncomfortable realities.'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

'Oh, that is so simplistic. Why must you always see the world in black and white?'

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

'Have you noticed it, too?'

Before birds and bees,

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

'...and bring a friend. If you have one...'

"Ah, I'd give it a few minutes, pal. Maybe light a match."

"So, Carol tells me you're a baby."

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

"I don't know 'where I've been all of your life', but wherever it was, I wish I was there now!"

"Feel my shirt! Wanna Know what it's made of? Boyfriend material!"

'For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.'

Flirtation

"And I'm actually the one who puts the giblets back into the chickens..."

Meet Jim, you've a lot in common...he's an insufferable bore as well...

"What I like best about you is how you, er ...the way you, ummm....You know, there's actually nothing I like about you."

"Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure." "Sorry." "As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone." "Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw?" "Or did the fault lie entirely with my date?" "Feel free to speak candidly." "Mother."

"When you people start working eggs into the conversation, it's really code for something else,right?"

'You said you wanted to talk to me about sex, Dad - what actually do you want to know?'

'You've never cohabitated with an antipodal ding bat have you?'

"Do you know that idiot, he sounds like an owl?"

"We thought it was a rough patch, but it turned out to be our life."

The Heimlich Maneuver

'They're talking about us again, and you won't believe the things they're saying!'

Ask me about my colonoscopy: 'Uh Oh.'