Awkward Diners Club T-Shirts

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'Who gets the decaf?'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Choice hellhole

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

Sushi Train Spotters

Baracracy

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

"Sorry Sir, but what exactly were you expecting to be served when you ordered the 'early bird special'."

"I'll have the prayer breakfast."

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

"The usual."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."