Awkward Date Analyst T-Shirts

"If I can't pay you for dinner can I at least give you a little something for sex afterwards?"

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

In Desperate Straits.

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Look, you asked me what my favorite book was and it just happens to be A Farewell to Arms."

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"How is everything, besides the obvious?"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

The Adventures of Morton

Nethead strip: Dates

"Well, I guess if breathing through your mouth has kept you alive this far..."

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"Oh my god. She knows I schist my plants.

'This is the last time I'm going fishing with you, Harold!'

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

"Don't go getting any ideas."

Dr Atkins on a date: 'Why does he keep looking at me like I'm a piece of meat?'

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'