Awkward Date Artist T-Shirts

"I'd like to take things slow, Al, so instead of a goodnight kiss I'm going to poke you a few times with this stick."

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

In Desperate Straits.

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Look, you asked me what my favorite book was and it just happens to be A Farewell to Arms."

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

"Only one Valentines card? Still could have been a lot worse!"

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

'This is the last time I'm going fishing with you, Harold!'

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Oh my god. She knows I schist my plants.

"Your eyes are like limpid pools. Allergies hitting you pretty bad, huh?"

"Well, I guess if breathing through your mouth has kept you alive this far..."

The Adventures of Morton

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

Nethead strip: Dates

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'I'm a herbologist. I study this guy.'

Dr Atkins on a date: 'Why does he keep looking at me like I'm a piece of meat?'