Awards Show Enthusiast Pillows

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Soccer coach of the year.

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

Barbie Oscars

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

Norman E-Mailer

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

'Yeah, but would you want to have a beer with him.'

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Black Hole Exhibit

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."