Award Show Enthusiasts Pillows

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

Soccer coach of the year.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Barbie Oscars

"I'm so looking forward to the weekend, there's a show on: We're going to be pampered and they'll put lovely ribbons in our manes..."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

Norman E-Mailer

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."