Award Season Enthusiast Pillows

"And now, the award for 'Best Movie about a bunch of really stupid guys'...."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

'Guess what? I won again.'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Soccer coach of the year.

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

May I have the envelope, please?

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

Geoffrey Rush

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

Barbie Oscars

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'