Award Season Enthusiast Pillows

"And now, the award for 'Best Movie about a bunch of really stupid guys'...."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Soccer coach of the year.

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

May I have the envelope, please?

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

Barbie Oscars

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

Norman E-Mailer

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."