Award Enthusiasts Pillows

"I'm proud to accept this award on behalf of our dedicated employees. Ahh! I think that stupid thing broke my foot!"

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'

Will Smith's Oscar

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

Soccer coach of the year.

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

Geoffrey Rush

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Barbie Oscars

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Norman E-Mailer

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

Oscars

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

'Yeah, but would you want to have a beer with him.'

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."