Award Lovers Pillows

'We'll parachute in and surprise them with their sales award.'

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

Soccer coach of the year.

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Barbie Oscars

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

Oscars

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

Norman E-Mailer

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

'Yeah, but would you want to have a beer with him.'

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"I want to thank all the little people."

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."

"Nominations for best skinny mad white dude goes to..."

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'