Award Show Lover Pillows

"And now, honorary awards for the worst best-picture and the best worst-picture."

Oscars

Trial by Media

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'Guess what? I won again.'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Soccer coach of the year.

"No Hand Sanitiser"

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

Barbie Oscars

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

Norman E-Mailer

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."