Awards Enthusiast Pillows

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

Soccer coach of the year.

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

Barbie Oscars

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

Norman E-Mailer

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

'Yeah, but would you want to have a beer with him.'

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."

"I want to thank all the little people."

'In a surprise move today, the members of the Nobel Committee awarded all of this year's Nobel Prizes to each other.'

"I think I just won Best Director!"

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'

"Nominations for best skinny mad white dude goes to..."