Award Aficionado Pillows

"I won it for being lice-free."

"Never mind it was voted 'Car of the Year' by car thieves."

'Honestly, this one is for good posture!'

"As a way of expressing our thanks, we offer this modest honorarium."

'The boss wants back the safety award you dropped during the ceremonies.'

"Oh no, it's a coalition!"

Will Smith's Oscar

Trophy Hunters

HornyWood

"Why am I Sales Person of the Year? I already have a buyer for this tacky trophy!"

'Rest assured this award will take pride of place on my mantlepiece next to my 25 yards breaststroke certificate.'

'We just can't seem to keep it clean. . .'

'You've been doing this at least since my Grandpa was a kid, and still no Nobel Prize?'

'I didn't get re-elected, but I won an Emmy for my campaign promises!'

'This one is for emphasizing everyone's right to exist, in my TV commentary.'

Military officer being weighed down on one side by medals.

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

'Congratulations on winning the 'Inland Revenue Fiction Award' Mr Hambone.'

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

'For your superb management of hell on earth."

Max von Sydow

A woman bows to the crowd

"Yes, the award is shaped like a pyramid, but I prefer the term Ponzi."

"I would like to thank my owners, my trainer, my jockey, and everyone else in my stable, without whom my victory would not have been possible."

"Once you've stood up for one actor, you're not allowed to sit back down for the next."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Presenter Auditions.

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

Soccer coach of the year.