Award Show Enthusiasts Prints

'... And the award for 'most fervent booty-shaking in a music video' goes to...'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Soccer coach of the year.

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

Barbie Oscars

Giving an Oscar to an animal actor would put the academy awards into context.

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Geoffrey Rush

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

"I'm so looking forward to the weekend, there's a show on: We're going to be pampered and they'll put lovely ribbons in our manes..."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

Norman E-Mailer

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

Hades Movie Awards After Show. The dealy sins were all here -- They love walking the red carpet! Pride won tonight for a leading role and envy won for a supporting role. Wrath was seen yelling at at the paparazzi ... Lust tried to meet beautiful actresses ... and Gluttony rushed off to the buffet. Greed is already counting all the money he'll make because he won an award. And when sloth won, he received the night's biggest ovation ... because he was too lazy to give an acceptance speech!