Awards Show Enthusiast Gifts

'I hope the 'King's Speech' doesn't win, it'll take Colin Firth an hour just to say 'Thank you'.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

Soccer coach of the year.

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

Geoffrey Rush

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

Barbie Oscars

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

Unable to get going each day without her dose of Katie Couric, Lois shifted her schedule to be in sync with the star's new evening news job.

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

Norman E-Mailer

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

Hades Movie Awards After Show. The dealy sins were all here -- They love walking the red carpet! Pride won tonight for a leading role and envy won for a supporting role. Wrath was seen yelling at at the paparazzi ... Lust tried to meet beautiful actresses ... and Gluttony rushed off to the buffet. Greed is already counting all the money he'll make because he won an award. And when sloth won, he received the night's biggest ovation ... because he was too lazy to give an acceptance speech!

'Yeah, but would you want to have a beer with him.'

Black Hole Exhibit

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."