Award Show Enthusiast Gifts

Oscars acceptance speech.

"OK darling think gracious ... you don't care that you didn't win ...it's beneath you ... and keep clapping ..."

'Hello and welcome to the stupidly hyperbolic awards.'

"..And the best product placement in a film award goes to..."

'Sis will be right down...she's upstairs working on her acceptance speech.'

"Nominations for best skinny mad white dude goes to..."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

The gladiator raises his blood-stained sword...but the nimble ninja strikes quickly, winning the battle...and taking home the award!"

"I think I just won Best Director!"

"For the best picture having not won anything, thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'...And the award for the most 'talk to the hands' in one show goes to...'

Country Hits

The plumbers awards

'And the coolest dad of the year award goes to... Dr. Armstrong for his note, 'to whom it may concern, my son is allergic to homework'.'

Barbie Oscars

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"I'm not going to sit here and make fun of the very people I'm wasting my time watching."

"This is so unexpected – I didn't even prepare a speech."

Showbiz Awards

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Soccer coach of the year.

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'