Enthusiast In Awards Shows Gifts

"And the award goes to...but then again, why bother?"

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Soccer coach of the year.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

Barbie Oscars

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Geoffrey Rush

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

Unable to get going each day without her dose of Katie Couric, Lois shifted her schedule to be in sync with the star's new evening news job.

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

Norman E-Mailer

Hades Movie Awards After Show. The dealy sins were all here -- They love walking the red carpet! Pride won tonight for a leading role and envy won for a supporting role. Wrath was seen yelling at at the paparazzi ... Lust tried to meet beautiful actresses ... and Gluttony rushed off to the buffet. Greed is already counting all the money he'll make because he won an award. And when sloth won, he received the night's biggest ovation ... because he was too lazy to give an acceptance speech!

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"I want to thank all the little people."

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."