Award Seeker T-Shirts

Team work.

"On the plus side, concussions are way down."

'Congratulations, Mrs Murphy! I've decided to nominate yours for confession of the year.'

Guide to Book Awards

'Sir Percy is here for his Purple Heart, Sire.'

"Never mind the carrot, where's my f*****g medal?"

Butterfly Woman

Lady to man taking picture of fish: 'Wiggle him a little and get him to smile.'

'Guess what? I won again.'

"I hope you're good, Charlie. I've only played a couple of times."

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

Soccer coach of the year.

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'Oh no its going to be one of those days.'

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Norman E-Mailer

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

Honorable mention in science: the Nobel surprise.

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

Arcade Game Baseball.

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."

"I'm Walter Grimes and I approve this drink."

Monkey casino study.

Most Loyal Employee Award

'No bonus this year, Felton, but I've nominated you for a Grammy.'

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

'In a surprise move today, the members of the Nobel Committee awarded all of this year's Nobel Prizes to each other.'

'This is doing your chances of winning the 'Golden Paper Clip' award no harm at all!'

"Great. First our funding ran out, now the rat."