Award Seeker Gifts

Team work.

"On the plus side, concussions are way down."

'Congratulations, Mrs Murphy! I've decided to nominate yours for confession of the year.'

Guide to Book Awards

'Sir Percy is here for his Purple Heart, Sire.'

"Never mind the carrot, where's my f*****g medal?"

Butterfly Woman

Lady to man taking picture of fish: 'Wiggle him a little and get him to smile.'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"I hope you're good, Charlie. I've only played a couple of times."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

Soccer coach of the year.

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

'Oh no its going to be one of those days.'

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

Norman E-Mailer

Honorable mention in science: the Nobel surprise.

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

Arcade Game Baseball.

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."

"I'm Walter Grimes and I approve this drink."

'In a surprise move today, the members of the Nobel Committee awarded all of this year's Nobel Prizes to each other.'

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'

Most Loyal Employee Award

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

Monkey casino study.

'Boss, about your newfound determination to focus on employee recognition...'