Award Critic Gifts

The turner committee hated my entry..but the envelope made the shortlist.

"Bond James, Bond."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

You're my Mona Lisa.

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Benedict Cumberbatch

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Herman Mankiewicz

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Well....I could've done this!"

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Use your imagination.

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

Reese Witherspoon