Artistic Critic Gifts

Project 2025 Coloring Book

Abstract figures view Whistler's Arrangement in Grey and Black No.1.

Da Vinci painting a grumpy version of Mona Lisa.

Cartoon Crisis. . . Biden's already causing problems!

You're my Mona Lisa.

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Well....I could've done this!"

Use your imagination.

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'Projectile painting.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature

Convenience.

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

The Rise of Modern Art