Film Critic Gifts

Goldilocks at Sundance.

"Is it any good?"

"I hear he's huge in Japan."

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Tenafly International Film Festival

Giant Monsters At The Water Cooler

"Read the book!""See the movie!"

Stan Laural & Oliver Hardy.

'I can't wait to see the reviews in the newspaper to find out whether I like the movie or not.'

"The trailer didn't live up to the teaser."

Welcome to Hollywood

"You can tell it's a period drama because they're not wearing ozone helmets."

Hollywood 1860 - "The Dickens screenplay's good but I'd like to bring in Thackery for a rewrite.."

Find the reviewer

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

'It stinks!'

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

'Modem Times,'

Little Red Riding Carpet

Outskirts of town with sign: 'Entering Centerville - a town without a film festival.'

'The acting was awful and the plot was thin, but the mortgage rate looked interesting.'

"That was a good adaptation."

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

'Alfred Hitchhiking.'

'Critics are calling it 'one of the films opening on Friday.''

If only I had noticed the cow in the teleporter, I'd be accepting the Nobel prize now!

'CHICK-FLICK' MALE LEAD CHARACTER ARC.

Harry/Hairy Potter Film

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

"It's not that I dislike being dead. It's just that death is for dead guys, you know..." Woody Allen dies, but his body keeps talking and talking and talking.

Friday The 13th, The Final Chapter.

Angels watch hell on a flatscreen.

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

Shirley Temple

'I've never heard of this movie. . . it must be good 'cause there's only one copy left on the shelf, Burl.'