Avid Sleeper Gifts

"Actually, my species is not nocturnal: I'm just a teenager..."

Night-time halo

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

'I love it here. It really floats my boat.'

A man cheers

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

Chillaxing!

Interpretive napping

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

"Before I prescribe a sleeping pill, I'd like you to try the opera."

"Not me, brother - you wake him!"

Driver sees man in front of church with sign: 'Fell Asleep and Wet the Pew': 'Huh - a church that's into public shaming.'

"Oh, wow! 4:30!! I slept all day again!"

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"This alarm clock is guaranteed to wake you. It's sounds like a husband snoring."

“I get that the sounds help you sleep, but I don’t like the way he stares.”

Waking the Dead.

"Just two paragraphs from our internet provider's terms and conditions agreement and she was out like a light."

Your Luggage

"Sorry - is my snoring driving you nuts?"

"Look Mommy, reserves!"

Sleepless Night with a Mosquito

REALLY boring sermons

'You are in a deep, deep sleep, when you awaken you will feel sweaty and exhausted...'

The Home Birth of Venus

'I got rid of those funny little spots in front of my eyes. Now what's bugging me is a buzzing noise in my ears, like somebody sawing logs.'

'Why have you put that pen and notebook there?'

'You're snoring in cadence.'

'Get up or I'll send in gramma.'

"Could you stop making that breathing sound?"

'Relax dear, the tide isn't due in for ages.'

'He gets his best ideas that way.'

"No! I don't think these are adjustable beds. Why?"

'I can't sleep a wink - it feels like someone's got their life savings under here.'

"It says, 'sorry ... I forgot you're three hours earlier out there'."