Avid Reader Gifts

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

Your library book is overdue.

'It's me or the book clubs Alice. Choose it or lose it.'

Caution Oversized Books

'I just love your work. It makes me fall asleep immediately.'

"I can't put it down! The characters are so richly developed!"

"Did you ask for the large print edition?"

"Gifted class, indeed! One is gifted in science, but can't rad - one is fixed in reading, but won't even try math..."

The Subtitle

Shop manager drives digger to remove persistent magazine readers

They lived happily ever after? Isn't that based entirely on anecdotal evidence?"

Patient and book

Read this book! It will never be a motion picture or even a made for TV movie.

TV vs Reading

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

'Go and fish Darling, I'll be fine: I have some reading for the next few weeks...'

The Seven Habits of Highly Obsessively Compulsive People

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Dummies for Dummies.

Quite literary.

"Sorry...there's a waiting list for the library book..."

"Books, cigs, your thermo coffee mug. . . are you going on a business trip?"

"Not now, Gerry, I've just got to a really exciting bit."

"I'm a librarian."

"I know that book, we may as well cancel the hunt: we won't get anything out of him until he's finished reading it..."

"Barb's such a fast reader."

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

"Must you insist on reading like that?!"

"Didn't you ever have a book that you just couldn't put down?"

"I've read everything you've ever reviewed!"

"Mrs. Berg calls my book report a finely crafted debut and she looks forward to my next effort."

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"Quit judging me."

Harold Pinter