Avid Birder T-Shirts

'Thanks to the computer, I don't have to fly to so many meetings.'

"Hurry up and pick that lock. I'm hungry and it's freezing out here."

"Come to bed Frank. You have a problem."

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

'I love it here. It really floats my boat.'

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

"Gifted class, indeed! One is gifted in science, but can't rad - one is fixed in reading, but won't even try math..."

"Mrs. Berg calls my book report a finely crafted debut and she looks forward to my next effort."

"Barb's such a fast reader."

'The problem with migrating is that the roaming charges for my mobile phone are enormous...'

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"Did you ask for the large print edition?"

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'Mac, I told you last week a collar and a tag aren't enough - there's a leash law in this town.'

Squirrel Tapping On Window Demanding Food.

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"These songbirds every morning at five A.M. would be really annoying if they weren't so damn talented."

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

baby birds in a nest reading Chick Lit

Stories about crumbs

Dog Training. Most of the choices the dogs made for their book reports are logical. The labrador retriever chose "Catch-22." The terrier, who loves to dig, chose "Journey to the Center of the Earth." The basset hound is doing his on "The Howling." and the shar-pei picked "A Wrinkle in Time." But the dachshund's choice confuses me. Even with the ground-hugging physique, he selected "Wuthering Heights."

TV vs Reading

"C'mon, Hillary – just answer the question!"

'Go and fish Darling, I'll be fine: I have some reading for the next few weeks...'

The Subtitle

"60 may be the new 50 in the fantasy land you live in, but here in the real world, it's called exceeding the speed limit."

'How do they know it's breakfast time? It's your garden clock, birdbrain!'

Quite literary.

Bird at birdbath shaving.

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

'Welcome to HARDNOSE CITY. . . Go directly to jail, next 3 exits.'

'Sorry, pal. Illiteracy is no excuse for breaking the law.'