Avian Specialist Gifts

"Wait a second. You don't look like the veterinarian."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Do me next."

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

So you're a mocking bird...

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

I no longer migrate. It's easier to just telecommute.

"We don't observe 'casual Fridays' here."

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

"Homosapius amorius... the common lovebirds."

Why would birdie need newspaper?

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

Bird about to dive from diving board into birdbath

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"Why on earth do you insist on coming to this miserable, isolated, rocky, small island every year to roost? It's covered in guano! Disgusting..."

"Stop squawking. Use your words."

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

Man lets his pigeons out to be fed in the park.

"Oh...Hi Bob, listen buddy, I'm in a meeting right now, I'll Caw you back."

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

Caliologist

'You reek of crackers.'

'Will you stop! You know that freaks me out!'

"Last week, the orioles were passing out Baltimore catechisms. This week, it's the cardinals doing baptisms."

The doctor says if it doesn't come out soon, she'll have to induce.

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"Would you like me to warm up your eggs?"

'Pretend you don't notice him.'