Avian Humorist Gifts

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

'So many potential customers... unfortunately, they're not credit-worthy.'

"You've got to lose some weight!"

"Stop, you idiot! Can't you read?!"

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

So you're a mocking bird...

Birds reading over woman's shoulder

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The first day on the job was not going well for Al...'

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Man trying to take pictures of wild birds at feeder.

Cow Pilot.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

"He does impressions too!"

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"I've never trusted cows."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

Baggage Reclaim

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

"You boys might as well dig in - this could smolder for days."

How farmers get away w/ eating crackers in bed