Autumn Comedy Lovers Gifts

Leaf duel.

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Children's Parties

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

Lesser known greek gods,

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

How Amazon was invented

A Golden Non-Retriever

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"Well what does the GPS say?"