Automobile Technician Gifts

"Did you say 39 or 93?"

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

Santa being rescued by the AA.

Army Jeep Emissions Testing Center. This one didn't pass. It had a dishonorable discharge.

School of easy knocks engine diagnosis, rm 101...School of hard knocks, advanced engine diagnosis, rm 102.

'Tow trunk lifting itself..'

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

"Oh, your car isn't ready yet -- Ferd took it on vacation with him to test it out."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

'My electric car is giving me static!'

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

"Take me to your mechanic."

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

'I said they're good, but expensive.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

Organic Soldering.

'According to the diagnostic computer, your problems are due to El Nino.'

CLEAR!

"So this is what you want? This is why after school, almost every day, you spend all your extra free time working at the auto store?"

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

Turmoil change.

"I've narrowed the problem down to somewhere under this big flap I discovered."

'A 50's vintage automobile...a billiards room. YOu, my firend, have got it all.'

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

'Rats, I don't think we'll ever get this thing going: It's flooded again...'

The Small Business Advisor: 'The first bit of advice I'd give you for your garage start-up is to tell your dad'

'You got clowns in your engine. That's what's making them funny noises.'

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"Nothing serious - just some twenties stuck in your crankshaft."

'I think I've found what's been causing my funny buzzing sounds.'

Kid about scratched up car to dad: 'I made a mistake washing the car with a brillo pad.'