Auto Parts Shop Employee Gifts

"Excuse me, young lady! I bought these two cans of oil...but you put a bottle of tire cleaner in my bag!"

"So...do you have a job now?"

"Please forward all my tickets to the auto manufacturer who made this self-driving car."

Our Cars Are Made By 100% American-Made Robots.

Auto Mechanic Birthdays

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

Stimulus bust

"In my experience, cars with hyphens in their names are the best."

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

"Let me guess...you got a job here because you needed new parts for your lowrider project?"

"Mr. Rod, we know what's happening...you're laying us all off."

'If you lose your electrical charge before you get to a recharge, you just wind this.'

'More people will buy our cars if we become a carbon neutral company.'

'The president's speech on how well the recovery is going? Well, make a left at the abandoned mall, a right at the shuttered assembly plant, and a left at the closed steel mill...'

'That charge is for my accountant because this job is going to put me in a higher tax bracket.'

"It's our new electric car. We call it the 'Volts Wagon'."

'Business has doubled since we organized that women's beach volleyball tournament across the street.'

"My dog chewed up my steering wheel. Then he started gnawing on my floor mats and now he bit off my seat belt. What do you recommend?"

General Motors.

"I had this weird nightmare. I dreamed I was a muffler! I woke up exhausted."

Where's the difference?

'In the off-season I generally do some hunting and fishing, help out in my father's auto showroom, have knee surgery, and work out in my hometown youth center.'

'Do you cover the deductible?'

"I've been out of work since the showroom closed down."

"Do you sell backup cameras?"

"What happened to Scott, the new management trainee? Wasn't Mr. Rod teaching him everything about the business?"

New Big Three bailout cars?

"Can you deliver that to me?"

"You're a lousy grocery store."

Employee of the Month: Mr Wiggles.

"Stay away from the piranha tank."

"The car's affordable. Going to a tech school to learn how to use all its technology will be a little costly."

"This car is very economical on gas. Used hardly any getting over here."

Downsizing car plants

'Thanks! This bailout will save lots of jobs at our plants in Mexico, Argentina, Brazil, Phillipines, Poland, Indonesia, India, Egypt, Thailand...'