Auntie Gifts

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

'Something about the large ferocious dog unsettled Aunt Helen�'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Prize vegetables.

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

The Zoo.

"We've made great progress!"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

Madonna of the Pukes.

Demure lady with gloves

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."