Retired Aunt Gifts

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Prize vegetables.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

"His first out-of-body experience."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"We've made great progress!"

International Women's Day

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

Demure lady with gloves

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

The Zoo.

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.