Fun-loving Aunt Gifts

Will accompany your kids on rides so you won't barf - $20.

The cell phone soother for life.

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

Biofelineism

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

Christmas Pets

'Save us!'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"One day mommy's slime molds will all be yours!"

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

'They keep telling us these are the best years of our lives...but THEY seem to be having a pretty good time!'

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

Salvador Dali's cats.

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Doris was determined to save money on cat parlour fees!

"Hang on - I'm not as young as I used to be. . .!"

"I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may tend to hurt sales of my 'tell-all' book."

Nancy Drew Mysteries - The Later Years

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

'So what if he goes crazy now and then. Cats also have nine minds.'

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

To make taking their daily array of medicines more fun, many seniors are using the new Pill-A-Pult.

'Who called me a quack?' (boy has duck on his knee in vet's surgery).

'No Sandra, I don't hear a whistle either. '

"Elinor, honey, isn't Mr. Stripes pretty? He just had his shots."

"And you wonder why they call me a bitch?"

How Am I Driving?

"Never too old to rock and roll."

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

'What d'you mean-you THINK you've seen this before-you've seen EVERYTHING before!'