Aunt-to-be Gifts

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Prize vegetables.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

The Zoo.

"We've made great progress!"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."