
"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."
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"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."
"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."
'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''
"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."
"This next song exposes the hypocrisy of everyone here."
"This next song is about a trip to Vermont. It's called 'This is the whitest state I've ever seen—wow!'"
A crowd listening to a preacher.
'I hope he doesn't pick on ME!'
"Next time, don't start the presentation by asking, 'Can you tolerate ambiguity?'!"
Public speaking
"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."
"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."
"To be or not to be."
Taking a peek at the audience
'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'
'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'
"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."
'Are we there yet, I love surprises.'
"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."
'Oh my! He finally proposed!'
It is my mother's, she uses it as an anchor for our yacht.
'Would you merge your mutual fund with mine?'
"I already have the perfect hashtag!"
Business coach hiding in speach desk.
How to engage an audience
"I'd rather you'd said it with diamonds."
'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'
"I seem to have forgotten what I was saying...please...hold the applause!"
'How do you propose to support my daughter on the earnings of a tooth fairy?'
'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'
'The ‘class clown' thing is my fault. I totally misjudged the crowd.'
"This poem was written at a time in my life when I wrote a poem."
'We're running late and I have much to cover. Can you hold your eight-part question for later?'
"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."
Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,
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