Crowd Engagement Gifts

"Next time, don't start the presentation by asking, 'Can you tolerate ambiguity?'!"

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

A crowd of happy pet owners.

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Target your customer.

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

Arizona In Black

Elections

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

Vote: Have your photo ID ready!

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Honest Voting Stickers

'They're just a few bored students with some vague ideology. They'll be gone and forgotten in no time.'

'Why are these polling places so hard to get to?"

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

Follow God On Twitter

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

"When you get right down to it, the electoral college is a form of voter suppression."

Why America Is the Best Democracy in the World

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

Vote for Brown

"This next song is about a trip to Vermont. It's called 'This is the whitest state I've ever seen—wow!'"