Customer Engagement Gifts

Target your customer.

A Puppet Named Juan

Networking

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

Direct Marketing...

Arizona In Black

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'I've been to better motivational seminars.'

'I'll take the one on the right.'

'They're just a few bored students with some vague ideology. They'll be gone and forgotten in no time.'

Suggestion box: 'Build a bigger Complaints box'.

Follow God On Twitter

"We're still trying to sort out the details."

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may send the bride a kiss emoji."

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Healthy and happy workers are productive workers!

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

"Read a little about it"

'I just don't get it. The new motivational posters aren't helping at all!'

'I find the best way to stop students from always talking to each other in class, is to keep asking questions. Then they have nothing to say.'

Mums at play group.

"My family clapped louder than your family!"

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"