Customer Interaction Enthusiast Gifts

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

"Excuse me, young man, where's the manager?"

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

Target your customer.

Direct Marketing...

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'I appeared to start selling more when I stopped appearing to sell.'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

"We can't make the perfect product, but with a little luck and a lotta data, we can make the perfect customer."

"I'd recommend this."

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Will that be for here or to go?"

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

"One final question... how did you hear about us/"

'Could you show me something that's more feature laden?'

"The apes accepted you, but my sister's a whole other story."

The competition's customer vs our customer.

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."

"It won't be long - we're in the process of hiring a cook now."

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

"It's fancy-schmantzy. I just wanted fancy."

"The customer is always right....the customer is ALWAYS right..."

"And that is where we started to focus on customer care."

'It's a flight simulator for passengers.'

"I'd like a glass of tap water, a dirty look and a sarcastic comment please."

'No - I demand to speak to your REAL manager!'

"We've implemented AI, now if we can develop artificial concern for our customers, we'll have it made."

Friendly bank/Formal bank.

'Hi, I'm from Complainers Anonymous. Can I see the manager?'