Athletic Underachiever Gifts

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

Overjumpers

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

What else is there to wish for?

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

Genius Envy

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

'Bigley, you're over-training!'

Empty Headed Schoolboy

'They're a very successful family.'

"Rosalie—your poor performance this year has reduced your parents' investment in you by almost seventy per cent."

"That's nuthin'. Yesterday he beat up Alex Rodriguez."

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

Too big to fail

Workaholics Anonymous meeting: 'No one showed up. Everyone is working.'

'No ulcers shows me you haven't reached your full potential.'

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

One day, he hoped to hit the big time.

"You can achieve anything if you put you mind to it."

"Looks like a storm ahead, Captain." "I think you're being over dramatic."

"There must be some way of getting yourself fired."

Ladder of success"...Perhaps, you'd like our economy model."

"This has been a productive homework session!"

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

Still a Disappointment to his Mother

'It's true that a college degree might render you overqualified for your present position, but it's a chance I'd take.'

How to get ahead and how to get further ahead.