Assignment Sleuth T-Shirts

'Did I write that myself? You're not wearing a wire are you?'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

"I need to self isolate. . . but I thought I'd better come in and see you first!"

Clickbait

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"Essentially Wilkins proves things and Brenner disproves them."

Medical Library - Large books with really revolting photographs

"Unfortunately, what you downloaded from the net is a ten-year-old paper I once wrote for my college boyfriend!"

Newton's Law and Order.

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

Undercover Biophysicists

The Modern Godot

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

GM Crops Genie.

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

The Animal Researcher Reports...'I've been watching this herd of cattle for seven years, and to be frank, I haven't seen them do anything yet!'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'

Schrodingers cat at the vets

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

Genetically-Modified Foods: Are they safe?

'Trying to steal secrets again, Dr. Figowitz?'

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"