Assertiveness Training Gifts

"Caller, let me stop you right there. Your problem is you're a doormat! You need to march right back in there and tell him you don't take orders from any man, and if he wants dinner he can fix it himself!"

Ego Increasing School

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"We've found a marvelous trainer for Rex."

Agility God

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

"Can you give me a haircut that says, 'If you mess with my budget I'll rip out your soul, wring it like a dish towel, and drink it from a teacup'?"

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

Jump Boy!God, your life must be dull.

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

'I can see the practical side of fetching, but what's the point of rolling over?'

Project Manager Showdown

'I'm tired of sitting and staying.'

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'The answer is still no. I may look like a pushover, but I'm not.'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"What, again? You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Text!"

"Not until you fetch the other one."

"House training's not so bad - you soon get used to it and, if you play your cards right, you'll get lots of treats."

Cruel Pet Tricks

'The vet will see, you know!'

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

"Well, I guess that old saying really is true: the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'